


white rabbit

by yeolocity



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 12:27:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolocity/pseuds/yeolocity
Summary: he wonders, sometimes, what he came back for, but when his skin is alight with the lingerings of reverent touch, he remembers.he came back for this. he came back for him.





	white rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> i've been rewatching naruto shippuden, and let's just say, i'm neck fucking deep in my narusasu feelings again

_let’s fall down the rabbit hole_

* * *

 

sometimes, sasuke wonders what he came back for.

he remembers back when he was younger, during those first few months after he abandoned his home and everything he knew and loved inside of it, when he would sit on an outcropping of rock just outside of orochimaru’s hideout, body bruised, knuckles bleeding, mouth raw, and he’d watch the moon.

he used to think he could see things in it; signs, faces, words, colors. on his best days, he imagined what it would feel like to reach his hands out and caress its surface, and on his worst days, he ran kunai over his skin and bled, crimson in the white-gray light, wondering if somewhere, someplace, someone else was looking at the moon and wishing the same things he was.

it took a few years for him to grow out of that phase, but what came after wasn’t in any way healthier for his mind or his well being, turning his own self harm into burning hatred for others.

for his friends, suigetsu and juugo and karin, for his mentor, for the village, for the council who signed his family’s death certificate, and who marred his brother’s hands with their blood.

but more than anything, every inch of sasuke’s body, every cell that laid beneath his skin, burned with something else entirely; something that he refused to ever admit to himself, not until he lay basking in what he was sure were going to be last moments of his admittedly short life, bleeding out profusely and intimately close to the one person he’s always wanted more than anything, but never dared let himself think he could have.

naruto.

he used to think naruto was crazy, that he was some disillusioned, lost child, fixating on some imagined bond he and sasuke had forged together, falsifying the ties of their fate because he was infatuated with the idea of having someone for the first time in his life when he’d grown up with nobody. he was a fool back then, he thinks, to not realize that the bond naruto spoke of was so far from imagined, that it ran so deep within sasuke’s veins that he’d have to vivisect himself if he ever hoped to remove it.

god, was he foolish. so, _so_ foolish.

there’s something about living in the shadow of the sun, sasuke thinks, whenever naruto stands close enough to him for him to reach out and touch. sasuke used to fear getting burned, worried that the sheer magnitude of the light naruto exuded would eviscerate him where he stood, leaving him ashen.

“sas,” naruto murmurs, reaching out to stroke a finger down the dip of sasuke’s spine.

sasuke may not turn to ash, but he still burns.

“mmm,” sasuke hums, eyes still closed against the silver light filtering through the windows. they don’t have a lot of time, he knows. _she’s_ going to be expecting naruto back soon, and sasuke has a lifetime of sins to still make up for, so as much as he wants it, he knows they can’t stay.

“i love you like this,” naruto murmurs, voice rough. sasuke shudders, remembering the way he sounded only a few moments ago, gruff with the pleasure he pulled from sasuke’s open, wanton body.

he wonders, sometimes, what he came back for, but when his skin is alight with the lingerings of reverent touch, he remembers.

he came back for this. he came back for _him._

“like this?” sasuke says, turning his head to peer at naruto through one open eye, the rinnegan, pleased at the way it makes naruto blush.

“like this,” naruto parrots, his searching fingers travelling from sasuke’s spine to his shoulder, his collarbone, his chin, his lips. “soft, and pliant. open.”

sasuke wants to get smart, to quip that the only open thing about him right now is his asshole, but he doesn’t; he knows what naruto means.

years ago, after naruto got down on one knee for the hyuuga heiress and sasuke admitted to himself that he’d actually need to find a _woman_ to bear him an uchiha child, they came to an agreement.

in the public eye, naruto was the hokage. leader, father, husband, mentor, a beacon of strength and purity of heart. sasuke was his support from the shadows, a father his daughter barely knew, a husband whose wife could remember him only by the ghosted remnants of a touch, eons ago.

in private, all of that went away. naruto was _naruto,_ seventeen again as he kissed sasuke like it was the first time over and over, and sasuke was just _sasuke,_ guilty of nothing more than loving the man in front of him so much he wondered how it had still not yet driven him insane.

 _open,_ naruto had said.

sasuke shifts, rolling onto his side to face naruto fully. naruto’s fingers still trace his lips, tugging gently on the swell of them, and sasuke barely thinks when he parts them and suckles the tips against his tongue.

“don’t,” naruto chastises, but it’s breathy, weightless. there’s no meaning behind it.

sasuke doesn’t reply, just parts his lips wider and takes the fingers deeper, sucking with intent. his eyes fall closed and he moans, feeling himself start to swell again between his thighs.

he’s not young anymore, not like he used to be, but his body seems to forget the realities of his age when he’s with naruto like this, when he’s shrouded in naruto’s light and aura and scent, all consuming. he _wants_ to be consumed; he wants to be trapped and taken, would willingly give up his body and his sanity if it meant naruto would never stop touching him like this.

“sas,” naruto breathes, and sasuke hates the way it sounds so longing.

“we have time,” sasuke murmurs, pulling his lips from naruto’s fingers to mouth against his palm. “please, we have time.”

“god, fuck,” naruto curses, and then sasuke’s whole world in centered down to this one moment, this one room, this one bed, where naruto holds him like he’s beloved and kisses the gasp from his lungs. “i lose my mind when i’m with you,” naruto says, lips against lips, and sasuke _knows._

“please, please,” sasuke sings, melodic in the way he pleads. he cares not of the way his desperation makes him seem, uncaring that naruto can see it in the flush on his cheeks, the furrowed set of his brows, the way his lips purse, the desperate sounds he lets out when naruto’s fingers find the heat between his thighs, pressing inside where he wants him most.

he’s still wet inside, leftover remnants of naruto’s release slicking the way for his fingers.

“ _sasuke,_ ” naruto breathes, pulling his fingers from sasuke’s body, wrapping sasuke’s legs around his waist, pressing inside him, thick and sweet.

the sound of his name on naruto’s lips used to make sasuke seethe, used to flood his body with emotions he didn’t understand and hated too much to try to, but now, as naruto grabs his face in both hands and moans his name like rapture, sasuke hates himself for thinking his name on those lips was ever anything other than salvation.

naruto moves inside him with single minded purpose, groaning his pleasure into sasuke’s skin. he’s going to leave marks, sasuke knows, and he comforts himself knowing that, even after they’re done, even after naruto leaves this bed and his body, sasuke is still able to take a small part of naruto along with him.

sasuke aches to mark naruto the way naruto marks him, aches to run his nails over naruto’s back, dig in hands into the swell of naruto’s ass as he thrusts, teethe at the skin of naruto’s throat while he fucks sasuke like he’ll never get to fuck him again.

“fuck, baby,” naruto groans, hips stuttering in the way sasuke intimately knows means he’s about to come. “oh god, sas, you’re gonna make me come.”

“want it,” sasuke growls, suddenly hungry for it, for the feeling of naruto’s release, marking him from the inside. “give it to me, naruto, let me feel it.”

naruto drops his head against sasuke’s chest, moaning weakly as his hips stutter a few more desperate times and he comes, flooding sasuke’s body with his release. sasuke mewls at the feeling; the warmth, the way it makes him feel owned, needed, cherished.

he remembers the first time he let naruto come inside him, six bottles of sake deep between them, hours after the lady hyuuga announced the news that she was pregnant with the lord hokage’s first child. sasuke remembers the desperate way naruto clung to him, the way he buried himself deep in sasuke’s body and whispered secrets into his skin, wishing it was sasuke’s body he could put his child in, wishing it was sasuke who could raise his first born son.

he pleaded weakly, eyes glazed and cloudy as he begged, _let me come inside you, sas. let me imagine it just once._

he remembers the way it felt, being so close to naruto in that moment, close enough that he could let himself imagine it, for a tiny, _fleeting_ second, an alternate universe, an alternate life, where it was possible.

instead, he settled for cupping naruto’s cheek in his hand, pressing their foreheads together and breathing against his mouth as he whispered, _do it, do it, come inside me._

now, he curls his hand in naruto’s sweaty hair, tugging at the blond strands as he arches up into naruto’s chest, his own orgasm wracking his body until he tingles with it, from his lips down to the tips of his toes.

naruto leaves sasuke's body with a dirty-slick sound, laying next to sasuke on the sweat damp sheets as they breathe together, one in their shared space.

this is always the hardest part, sasuke thinks. when the bliss wears off the the realization of the actual lives they’re living sinks in, when sasuke’s eyes sting and the place where his arm used to be throbs in pain as he remembers why it’s gone in the first place, wonders what his life could have been like - what _their_ life could have been like - if only he’d been able to resist the temptation to fall down the rabbit hole, all those years ago.

naruto is the first to rise, as always, eyes tired as he redresses. sasuke stares as he pulls each article of clothing back onto his body, can’t resist the way his gaze is always drawn back to where the line of bandages ends on naruto’s right arm. naruto’s pretty hyuuga wife can have as many of his children as she wants, sasuke thinks, but she’ll never, _ever_ have naruto in the way that sasuke has him.

fully dressed, naruto crawls back onto the bed, drawing sasuke in for a slow, reverent kiss that sasuke has come to know as his way of saying _goodbye, i miss you, come back to me soon._

“you’re leaving in the morning?” naruto says when he pulls away, fastening the button of his hokage robes with one deft hand.

“before sunrise,” sasuke says. “something i need to take care of in the land of wind.”

“mm,” naruto hums, face falling. “will you be travelling through suna?”

“perhaps,” sasuke says. “i’ll bring your well wishes to the kazekage if i find myself there.”

naruto nods, a small, sad smile on his face. “you’ll be gone for some time,” he says.

“indeed,” sasuke murmurs.

a strange look comes over naruto, clouding his features. “will you write me?”

“if i have the time,” sasuke says.

“sas,” naruto says, pulling sasuke’s hand from where it lays on the rumpled sheets, playing with sasuke’s fingers. his hand looks so slender in naruto’s, fingers pale where naruto’s are deep and tanned, kissed by the sun.

“don’t,” sasuke says, trying to pull his hand from naruto’s grasp, but naruto holds on tight.

“i love you,” naruto says and sasuke deflates, falling forward into naruto’s embrace. “please write me.”

“okay,” sasuke says, even though deep in the honest pit of his stomach, he knows he won’t. it’s too hard, being out on his own and writing letters to send back to naruto for him to read while he sits at his desk in hokage tower, reading about all of the ways sasuke says he misses him without ever actually writing the words while a photo of naruto’s wife and children stares back.

no, no. he won’t write, and they both know it, but naruto likes to hear sasuke lie.

“i’ll send word when i get back,” sasuke says.

naruto smiles at him, small and melancholy. “i look forward to it.”

when naruto leaves him, it’s with a kiss to his cheek and a flutter of his robes, and he’s gone. sasuke gets up from the bed, sore in the way only those with thorough lovers know as he redresses. he stares at the moon through the window of the tiny studio apartment that’s become sasuke’s safe haven, where he stays when he’s only back in konoha for a few hours, when he doesn’t want sakura or sarada to even know he’s back, when his need for naruto grows so great he can no longer bear it, and he crashes into this place, into this bed, tangled like a lover with the only person sasuke’s ever cared for more than he cares for himself.

with barely a ghost of a sound, sasuke ducks out the apartment’s tiny window, up onto the rooftops as he leaves the way he came, a shadow through the village. he can see hokage tower in the distance, his lover’s face carved into the mountainside, and he aches.

* * *

  _dirty, pretty things and all_

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like it's 2010 again
> 
> tumblr: babyttaeyong


End file.
